If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
