She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
