i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize