Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
