dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
