Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
