I puked a lego.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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