I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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