Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish you could order shots online.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I would fuck him just for his dog
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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