God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize