Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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