Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
