The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
