I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
