The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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