I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
