She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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