Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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