it wasn't lemon gatorade
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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