Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
