Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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