Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I showed him my bush... on skype.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
