She's JV to your varsity
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
