we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
