i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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