Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
