Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
