he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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