I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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