Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
