man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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