I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
