I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
