We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
