I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize