So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
