i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
