YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
