i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
