I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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