The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
