im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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