I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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