i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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