i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
