Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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