brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
