The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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