I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
