so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
