Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
