Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
