He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
