That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!