FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening