Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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