i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?