I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything