I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
