Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
