I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
