We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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