even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
