And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i think i have two assholes
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
