My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
