I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
