remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
