yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
