Plan B is the new Plan A
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
