I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
