You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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