I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
