In the future we'll all be gay
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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