I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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