Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
