i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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