He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
