I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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